Mayor Antonio Villariagosa called an emergency meeting of the City Council to deal with the consequences of the Lakers’ embarrassing loss today and elimination from the NBA playoffs.
“I was counting on sales tax revenue from at least two more playoff rounds. Those receipts were earmarked to form the city’s emergency reserve,” the mayor sadly announced.
Wiping away a tear, he added, “It seemed like a sure thing – my deputies figured Phil Jackson would leave the coaching ranks in a victory parade from City Hall to the Staples Center and provide me with more photo ops than the SEALS had with Osama bin Laden.”
According to the budget details released by the mayor’s office, it wasn’t just the loss of tax revenue on ticket sales, but on team merchandise sales as well. Ron Artest jerseys and bobblehead dolls were projected to be hot items.
The mayor, always quick on his feet, announced his backup assumption to fill the hole left by the Lakers’ implosion: a loan from Frank McCourt.
The names and events above have been changed to confuse our elected officials.